YOU SHOULD BE TASERED IF

You are a 6'6 receiver in the NFL that runs a 4.3 40 yard dash, you make over a million dollars per year, and you have only 2 more years to play and you will be fully vested making almost 1/2 million dollars a year from age 45 for the rest of your life, but you absolutely have to stop off on Dickson street at 12:30 A.M. and scrape off a line of that sweet white powder grown in Columbia. Welcome to the unemployment line Matt Jones.

YOU SHOULD BE TASERED IF

You play on a major league baseball team with a payroll of over 207 million dollars and your division is led by a team with a payroll of 43 million dollars. Captain Jeter and first mate Arod along with the rest of the boys score one run tonight in Yankee Stadium against a pitcher for Texas that has never won a road game.
Overpaid and Heartless are two words that come to mind New York Yankees.

YOU SHOULD BE TASERED IF

You record record profits for the year but still stick it to the American gas consumer for 4 dollars plus per gallon. Welcome to the world of greed and proctology Exxon Mobil.

YOU SHOULD BE TASERED IF...

you have a painting by "Picasso" entitled "La Reve", or "The Dream" worth 139 million dollars and you poke a hole in it with your finger while showing it to someone in your office.

Everybody say "oops" for Steve Wynn, owner of the world famous Wynn hotel resort and casino in Las Vegas.

YOU SHOULD BE TASERED IF

you graduated from the University of Miami and have a job as a sportscaster for Comcast and while doing the game in which the largest fight in Division One Football history, you talk about how the visiting team deserves it, and you may go down the elevator yourself to help, and both teams need to just meet outside, and no one comes to the "O.B." trash talking without receiving a beatdown.

Welcome to the unemployment line Lamar Thomas.

You should be tasered if

If you are a major league baseball team with a higher payroll than the gross national product of 36 countries in the world and you don't make it to the world series.

How you doin' New York Yankees?

You should be tasered if.....

You play TE for the Cleveland Browns, an 0-2 NFL Team, you have played only a handful of games because you crashed your motorcycle in a parking lot, and you are trying to tell your Super Bowl winning head coach how to win games.


Congratulations Kellen, here's your sign.

You should be tasered if....

You are the Head Coach of the Miami Dolphins and your team is up 3 points in an NFL game, the other team has a long play (83 yards) that results in a touchdown but the receiver clearly stepped out of bounds, and you have a chance to challenge the play before the extra point is kicked but you timidly throw the red flag about 20 yards behind the referee so he can't see it and promptly lose the lead and the game late in the fourth quarter.

Nice job Nick, I hope your whole team tasers your rearend all the way back to Miami.

You should be tasered if.....

You play LBer for the San Diego Chargers making 1.7 million this year and you get in an all night car chase with the police in your NFL city. Later on you make it home and go after an off duty officer and you get shot not one, not two, but three times by San Diego's finest.

Next time, try Kevlar Steve Foley.

You should be tasered if ......

You are a MLB team and you are one game out of first place with 42 games left to be played and 10 games later you are 6 games out and your season is basically down the crapper because you go 2-8 when it counted the most including a 6 game losing streak.

Welcome to the Outhouse Cincinatti. Much different from the penthouse huh?

You should be tasered if.....

You played or coached basketball on the U.S. Basketball team that went over with names like Carmello Anthony, DeWayne Wade, Lebron James, Mike Krzyzewski and friends on a basically paid vacation to represent our great country and come back with the BRONZE medal.

I hope they taser you and your shoe contracts.

You should be tasered if.....

You own one of the worst NFL franchise in the league and you have the overall number 1 pick in the NFL draft and.... you pass on possibly the most exciting player to ever play college football in Reggie Bush to pick some Defensive End from North Carolina State.

Here's to hoping Mario Williams scores 20 TD's a year like REggie Bush will for the Saints.

Thanks for saving New Orleans, Houston.

You should be tasered if.....

You are a 1000 yard running back for the Miami Dolphins and you make 8 million a year and you give it all up to smoke dope and listen to Bob Marley.



How's the Canadian League Ricky Williams?

You should be tasered if.....

You coach a Major Division one college coach and you and your team get beat by Montana State.


Taser this Dan Hawkins.

You should be tasered if...

You are a MLB manager and there is a man on 2nd, no one out, tie game, and you have a .243 hitter up and you don't have the hitter sac bunt the runner to third base.

This taser goes out to you Frank Robinson